My husband is a little more wishy-washy. He is a worrier. He worries about the cultural difference in our small town. He worries about the effect it would have on our other children. He worries about his age. He worries mostly about the time that we would have for four children. He doesn't want anyone to be playing ball, at a gymnastics meet, or a dance recital and their parent not being there. Now on the flip side of this my husbands maternal grandmother was raised in an orphanage until she was married. Five of his eight cousins were adopted. He is familiar with adoption issues so he does worry about that. But he also has seen the joy that it can bring.
Before we were married we talked a little about my passion. It was not a heavy subject, we both agreed that if we were not able to have bio children then adoption would be the next step. Now I still have this passion. I worry that I am being selfish because we are able to have bio children. I would never want to take the spot of a women that is needing adoption for her journey to her child.
So I keep waiting for a "sign" or "red thread". Could it have been the family that walked into church with us, they had three bio children and a Chinese daughter and son? Could it have been the family at the rest stop with the three bio daughters and their Chinese son? And the glance and smile that my husband and I shared upon seeing them. Through my faith I know that eventually I will have the answer I need.