Passion

This Easter Sunday we were in my hometown so we attended the church that I grew up in. The sermon was about what the cross really means. Through this sermon he really talked about people having certain passions in life. It made me think about what my passions are. Of course my family and friends are my passion, but he was talking about specific passions. Some examples he gave were living in a mulit-cultural area, remodeling an old home, etc. My one passion that came to mind was... adoption. Everyone that knows me knows that my dream since I was a little girl was to have a Chinese daughter. My parents are HUGE supporters of this dream. My brother was adopted at the age of two and it has been a beautiful life for all of us.

My husband is a little more wishy-washy. He is a worrier. He worries about the cultural difference in our small town. He worries about the effect it would have on our other children. He worries about his age. He worries mostly about the time that we would have for four children. He doesn't want anyone to be playing ball, at a gymnastics meet, or a dance recital and their parent not being there. Now on the flip side of this my husbands maternal grandmother was raised in an orphanage until she was married. Five of his eight cousins were adopted. He is familiar with adoption issues so he does worry about that. But he also has seen the joy that it can bring.

Before we were married we talked a little about my passion. It was not a heavy subject, we both agreed that if we were not able to have bio children then adoption would be the next step. Now I still have this passion. I worry that I am being selfish because we are able to have bio children. I would never want to take the spot of a women that is needing adoption for her journey to her child.

So I keep waiting for a "sign" or "red thread". Could it have been the family that walked into church with us, they had three bio children and a Chinese daughter and son? Could it have been the family at the rest stop with the three bio daughters and their Chinese son? And the glance and smile that my husband and I shared upon seeing them. Through my faith I know that eventually I will have the answer I need.

To have an island or not

OK, I'm having a decorating "situation". I can't decide if I want an island or not. Our houseplan has an island with a sink and dishwasher but I really don't know if I want it. Of course my husband and the architect think it is a must but I'm not so sure. I have an old farmhouse table that I would use instead. Tell me what you think.

These three

Yesterday we visited our architect and I decided to take out the extra bedroom/bathroom on the first floor. This was a hard decision for me because I have really been feeling as if our family is not complete. I saw a quote on another blog that sums it up......

" These three are enough. These three fill my days and nights and sometimes beyond. These three are brimming with my hopes and prayers. These three can't hold any more of my love, but I wish there was just one more. There's room in our home for one more. There's room in our hearts for one more. We have all this love that is missing a child".

I have told myself two things about giving this room up... the first being that IF we had another child he/she would want to be on the second floor with all of the other children (and there is the room upstairs), and second we can always change our mind before we pour the basement. I have just dreamed of this room being my "dream nursery" for that fourth child. It is right across from our room and just in the best location, but I also LOVE the way that the house seems much more of a cottage without it. Decisions, decisions...